Superwoman Syndrome

All too often women, especially mothers, use the three dirtiest words in the English language: "should, could, and would".  This type of thinking is an energy-draining, unproductive trap that is important to avoid.

You are likely carrying a very heavy load of responsibilities, which makes it impossible to do anything perfectly. In addition to taking care of yourself, chances are good that you are also caring for several others: a partner, children, an aging parent, a pet, your home, and a business. There is not enough time in the week to perform all of these roles well. It is easy to slide into a negative thought process and focus on what you “should” have done differently- beating yourself up rather than acknowledging the many things you are doing well.

This type of thinking is common in perfectionists. It contributes to exhaustion, high stress levels, and low self-esteem, which can in turn contribute to depression and anxiety.  It is really important to observe your tendency to be self-critical, and work to change your negative thought processes.

Change your thought patterns and behavior for the better:

•   Repeat until you believe: "The best thing I can do for everyone is take care of myself." in addition to getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercise, schedule doctor and dentist appointments for yourself religiously.

•   Prioritize and be realistic. Studies show we usually under-estimate how long everyday tasks will take. Block out time on your calendar for everything from grocery shopping to running errands to exercise. With practice, this technique may help you break the cycle of always feeling behind and/or running late.

•   Think about or write down what you HAVE accomplished.

•   Ask for help. It may be painful at first, but you will be doing everyone a favor if children and your  partner become more self-sufficient and you become less stressed.

•   Evaluate and adjust relationships. Which friendships are truly genuine and reciprocal? Which ones feel like obligations and are draining?

•   Are you being penny-wise and pound-foolish? Unless you really enjoy pulling weeds, your time investment in your job or business will likely eventually reap more money than the going rate for yard work will cost you.

•   Review decisions. Some decisions are wonderful in theory but do not stand the test of time. Volunteer commitments, children's activities, certain social obligations, and household rules can and should be re-evaluated and adjusted frequently.

Women are twice as likely to become depressed as men, and are particularly vulnerable after giving birth and during the years around menopause. If you notice your are engaging in an unhealthy habit such as over or under-eating, drinking to excess, abuse of prescription or street drugs, isolating yourself from others, or engaging in an inappropriate relationship, seek help.

You deserve to enjoy some peace of mind and free time long before retirement or your children are grown. It is time to put the Superwoman myth to rest.

Be well,

Laura

You Can Break Bad Habits

The stress created by the shaky economy, bad weather, and political unrest worldwide are causing many of us to either increase, or go back to, bad habits. We all have bad habits. I often find clients really beat themselves up over them. Don’t! It is not helpful. A kinder and more effective strategy for getting rid of a bad habit is to actively replace it with a new, helpful habit.

      1. Identify a positive habit and behavior you would like to adopt. (for example, drinking more water)

      2. Recognize the sensory impulse(s) you experience in your body or other stimuli that occur just before you usually act on the negative habit. (You are having a drink with friends and crave a cigarette.)

      3. Instead of acting on the negative impulse (lighting up), use your conscious attention to re-focus your thoughts and behaviors on the new and positive habit you identified in Step 1. (Ask for a glass of water with a slice of lemon.)

      4. Substitute the new behavior that is congruent with the positive habit you want to form for the behaviors of the negative habit. (Slowly sip the water.)

5. Continue Steps 4 and 5 for at least 9 weeks. You will be using the triggers from your old habit to begin the new habit.

Drinking water is a good substitute behavior

       How long will it be painful to change from the new habit to the old one? About 9 weeks. What is important is that you stick to your new routine every day for the first couple of weeks. Use willpower to repeat the behavior so that the new, positive habit will get ingrained. Sooner than you think, you will no longer need to think about doing the behavior. It will become automatic. 

The bad news: you will slip up. No change of behavior progresses steadily. Usually it is an experience of two steps forward, one step back. The good news: If you are kind to yourself and don't give up, you can make your desired change. 

Good luck!

Be well,

Laura

Excerpted from an article in Positive Psychology News Daily, by Emily van Sonnenberg
 The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back: Overcoming the Behavior Patterns That Keep You From Getting Ahead